Life's like this

Sorry If I need to post this here in another language than not mine. I have a headache and so meny thongs to be finished yet, but no will to do them.

Some dreams I have seems almost fantasy now. Once I had the will of being famous, but today all I want is disappear. I no longer talk to my sister and it won't happen. My mother is not a freind of mine I can count on and my friends are always far away. I don't date. The one I loved is a dream now,The one I love hurt me hard and I've done enough to never have it again.

The one I admire today lives far away and wouldn't love me, never. I'm not open to see anyone and I've always thought too much for a guy to my age. I've taken too many responsabilities in life I wish I haven't. It will stop, Even if when I want to keep going with some projects I know part of them will never happen. I'm okay Now, putting some foccus in life, but they're hard to happen. Patience...

I'd like to have money and finish the goals I set for this year. So I'd go abroad, France, Germany maybe, don't know, but I'd spend sometime studying another language, working out, practicing sprts, going to a college abroad, things like these... What to do when it can't happen? If you know, share me your experience, I'm in pain for it